Who, When, and Why Search



Sometime in your life, you will go on a journey. It will be the longest journey you have taken. It is the journey to find yourself.
Katherine Sharp

Who Searches?

Old theories about who decides to search were mostly negative, but current attitudes toward searchers are improving. Searchers are generally adventuresome and risk-taking individuals. People who search are a varied lot; however, what they share in common is a need to know.

Adoptees Who Search

If you ask five adoptees why they want to search, you will most likely receive several different responses. Common answers include “a need to know,” “to fill a void,” and “to see someone who looks like me.”

See “Why Adoptees Search,” to read a broad spectrum of thoughts on the subject.

Adoptees Who Search Are Sometimes Told They Are:
  1. Ungrateful;
  2. Stirring up the past;
  3. Setting themselves up for rejection;
  4. Hurting their adoptive parents; or
  5. Intruding on the lives of their birth parents.

Although most people have at least some understanding of the need to search, it is helpful to be prepared for the possibility that not everyone will understand. Expect that you may need to do some educating!

“Ungrateful” is a wholly undeserving label to attach to an adoptee who wants to search.. An adoption search has nothing to do with an adoptee’s appreciation of his/her adoptive parents.

“Stirring up the Past” To move forward, it may be necessary to “stir things up” a bit. Only by facing the past head-on do we have a chance to heal from the past.

“Setting Yourself up for Rejection” If you enter reunion with a healthy attitude and the proper perspective, you are not setting yourself up for rejection. Acceptance is a far greater possibility than rejection.

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Credits: Jan Baker