Who, When, and Why Search, Page 2


WILL’S STORY - Will is a male adoptee who was born and adopted in a state that has very restrictive laws regarding adoption access; therefore, he felt that using the confidential intermediary system was his best option. He had the agency that handled his adoption conduct a search for his birth mother. They charged Will a hefty sum and took a very long time before they did anything.

Eventually, they told him that they had finally found his birth mom. However, they said that she refused contact. Will wonders if they really did contact her as the agency has a reputation for not always matching people who request contact. He has no way of knowing whether or not she was contacted, and few avenues left to find her.

“Hurting Your Adoptive Parents” Reunion often brings adoptees and their adoptive families closer together. Ideally, adoptive parents would understand that their child may benefit from a reunion and support them. If adoptive parents feel hurt, they should work through those feelings. When they are educated about reunions, they are less likely consider a reunion a personal affront.

A “Message to Adoptive Parents,” written by an adoptee named Ilene Rachel, is brief, clear, and concise. It could be helpful for any adoptive parent with a child who is searching or reuniting.

“Intruding on the Lives of Your Birth Parents” Instead of viewing reunion as an intrusion, reunion can be seen as an opportunity. You are offering that other person – your birth parent or child – a chance to know you.

The presence of her absence is everywhere.Edna St. Vincent Millay

In the “Complete Idiot’s Guide to Adoption”, by Chris Adamec, she writes that some of the primary traits of most searchers include:
  1. Most are female;
  2. Most are in the child-bearing years;
  3. Most are well educated. She mentions that a well-educated person might consider a search more possible than an uneducated one who does not know how to search;
  4. Many are the only child in a family;
  5. Many have little information about their birth mothers; and
  6. Some report learning late in life about their adoption.

In considering a search, it is important to realize that you are not alone. Isolation and feeling misunderstood are legacies of closed adoptions. One way to connect with others who have walked in your shoes is the forums at Adoption.com. There is a forum specifically for discussions about Search and Reunion.

“10 Things Adoptees Should Keep in Mind,” by Damsel Plum, discusses adoptees and the search. It touches on some important points for adoptees considering a search.

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Credits: Jan Baker

 

http://www.omnitrace.com/birth-family.html