Other Outcomes, Page 2

Birth Mother Rejection

“Why My Birth Mother Won’t Meet Me” is an article that might provide some insight into birth mother rejection. The most important point to keep in mind is that a refusal for contact is reflective of the life of the rejecter. A birth mother who refuses contact may feel unwilling or unable to withstand the pressures and challenges of a reunion. She may already be overwhelmed with life’s challenges.

Some birth mothers become disconnected from their feelings for their children in order to survive their loss. They have been encouraged to do so. To consider a reconnection may terrify them and be a very scary proposition. To allow themselves to love their child and reunite is a risk that not all birth mothers are strong enough to handle.

Finding A Grave


As much as you might believe that you are prepared to find that your birth family member is no longer alive, you may still be highly affected to find a grave at the end of your search.

Allow yourself the time and space to grieve the loss. Not only will you be grieving for the loss of your birth family member, but perhaps the loss of a dream. You might be surprised at how difficult letting go of your dream meeting might affect you.

"The Rose," a poem at Adoption.com, was written by an adoptee who talks of a visit to her birth mother’s grave.


Consider trying to find out some information about your birth family member from people who knew her/him. Some adoptees connect with their birth parent’s friends or other family members. To learn about your deceased birth family member and to see some photos or mementos might help in your healing process.

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Credits: Jan Baker

 

http://www.omnitrace.com/birth-family.html