Making the First Contact
e-mail
- Preparation for Reunion
- Making the First Contact
- First Face-to-Face
Family faces are magic mirrors. Looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future. ~ Gail Lumet Buckley
As our world becomes more complex, our choices in communicating with each other increase. In the past, your two choices were to call on the telephone or write a letter. Your choice may be influenced by what contact information you have for your birth family member.
The White Oak Foundation is a not-for-profit organization offering a wide range of post-adoption resources for birth and adoptive families interested in search and reunions. They have a good web page that does an excellent job of discussing your options for first contact.
Many people recommend making first contact by mail; however, whatever method of first contact is most appealing to you will probably be best for your birth family member as well. You are related and probably have at least a few things in common, right? Many skeptics about the nature vs. nurture theories do abrupt turnarounds after reunion!
With the advent of the Internet, and some very creative minds, the choices for that first contact have become more numerous.
Today’s choices for first contact include:
- Sending a letter.
- By telephone.
- Contact via email.
- The “showing up on the doorstep” method.
- A gentle “say it with flowers” method.
Each method has its own appeal and/or drawbacks. Like so many choices you must face in adoption reunion, there is no “one size fits all” option guaranteed to work for everyone.
If you really want contact, the method used is chiefly a matter of personal preference.
People sometimes worry that they will not know what to say and bungle that first attempt at contact, never to have a second chance. However, in most situations, that first contact will not likely affect the outcome of a relationship.
© Excerpted from the Adoption.com Guide to Search and Reunion, published by Adoption Media, LLC
Credits: Jan Baker
