Conclusion

"For some adoptees, questions about themselves cannot be answered without finding their birth families. If their search is continually thwarted at every turn, it becomes a looming frustration that stands in the way of their identify formation. Many searchers feel a need to look backward before they can look forward." - "Being Adopted," by Brodzinsky, Schecter and Henig

There are many valid reasons why birth parents and adoptees can benefit from search and reunion. Birth family members may need to take some critical looks at their situation before they can move on and achieve any sense of peace or resolution. As a society we now know that expecting birth parents to “forget” about their child is folly – an impossible task. Likewise, we know that losing a parent is a loss for an adoptee, even if they have no memory of that parent.

No matter what the outcome, in the process of a search, you will probably learn about yourself. Many adoptees and birth parents achieve tremendous personal growth during search and reunion.

For most who search or are found, it is common to be catapulted into a period of self-examination. Adoptees want to know their past, their roots and their tribe. They may long to know who they truly are, and how they came to be the unique person that they have become. Birth parent feel a strong need to know how their child has made out in the world and where they are. Birth parents want and need some resolution, peace and to feel whole. Without their child, it feels as if a piece is missing.

Whatever your search and reunion journey has entailed, you have discovered how precarious these journeys are for many triad members. Access to adoption records is difficult in the majority of the states in the United States. Only five states allow unrestricted access to adoption records for adoptees upon reaching majority. Other states offer a dizzying array of options to access information and/or find search assistance. A few states ignore the whole issue altogether, hoping adoptees and other separated birth family members will accept their imposed separation.

On the cover of Birthbond, by Judith S. Gediman and Linda P. Brown, “Time Magazine” says, “Compelling… adoptees and birth parents move mountains to find one another.” The “need to know” is basic and as powerful as any endeavor that anyone could ever attempt, but whatever your reasons, the search and reunion experiences will indelibly change your life and the lives of those around you.



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Credits: Jan Baker