Assemble Your Support Team

  • Assemble Your Support Team

One kind word can warm three winter months. ~Japanese saying

You will be able to better withstand the emotional “yo-yo effects” if you compile a strong support team to help you as you proceed during your search and reunion. Educate them about the kind of support you need.

Many of the emotions that people experience during search and reunion may seem extreme and unusual. “Normal” for search and reunion may not be so in any other context. It is often a relief to find that others have similar reactions and feelings as you!


Both search and reunion can be confusing and intense experiences. There may be times during search and reunion when you wonder if you are going off the deep end. Locate a good adoption therapist if needed. If you cannot locate a good therapist in your area, some therapists provide email consultations.

Discuss some of your fears and complicated issues with others who have already experienced their own search and reunions. Adoption support groups can be of great help during your search and reunion.

You may benefit from joining at least two support groups, especially if the adoption did not occur in the state where you currently reside. While you may benefit from attending local meetings, you can also find invaluable information from people who are searching in the same state where your adoption occurred. Online groups can be very helpful in this instance.

Adoption.com’s search and reunion forum is a good place to find advice and support during search and reunion. Adoption.com also offers some adoption mailing lists.

Support Organizations

You may forget those you have laughed with, but you will never forget those you have cried with. ~Unknown

Three national organizations can be very helpful when you are beginning to search, and/or during reunion.

  • The first group is Concerned United Birthparents aka CUB. Despite the name, CUB groups welcome all triad members, but mainly adoptees and birth parents. If there is not a local group in your area, check the Web site for information on starting one. Local branches have monthly support group meetings and some groups have community events to help educate the public about adoption issues.

  • The second national organization that comes highly recommended is Adoptees Liberation Movement Association (ALMA). P.O Box 2341, Alameda, CA 94501, (510) 523-4774. ALMA has a national registry, provides emotional support to relinquishing birth parents and adoptees, and will assist in the search for birth parents/relinquished children. They do not help minor children in search for birth parents, but will help adoptive parents in a minor child's search for birth parents. ALMA has 55 or so chapters nationwide.

  • The third group is the American Adoption Congress:
    “Through education and advocacy, the AAC promotes honesty, openness and respect for family connections in adoption, foster care and assisted reproduction.”

    Although technically not a support group, AAC members support adoption search and reunion. In addition to an annual conference, the group holds regional conferences which offer workshops that address search and reunion techniques and issues. AAC members include all triad members and adoption professionals, and their conferences offer excellent opportunities to network and learn.

Previous Chapter | Table of Contents | Next Chapter

Credits: Jan Baker